Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The journey continues

Oh hi. I'm here. I know, I know... too quiet. Life is a little crazy again (always?). First the death cold, which clocked in at a solid twelve days of misery, then workworkwork, plus T doing workworkwork, plus a million other things, and you have me coming home from the office too tired to craft a sentence. I also just swallowed a cherry pit as I typed this, so maybe I'm too tired even to eat cherries?

At any rate... I feel like I should say a few words about why I'm not screaming pregnancy details from the blogging rooftops. It's not that I plan on keeping everything private, it's just that I want to tell our story in a particular way, and I haven't had time to do it properly. It's important to me to write from the beginning, no matter how fun it might be to skip to the good stuff. Maybe I'm overcompensating for the onslaught of shiny awesome perfection we see in so many other packaged glimpses of life online, but I don't want to be shiny. I want to dig in a little bit and be real about why I might actually, it's true, feel like the happiest person in the world right now, fatigue and all. But being real about my current giddiness includes the whole package - the bottoming-out, the waiting, the trying again (and again and again), the keeping hope alive. For anyone reading this who's still in that godawful cycle, they know what I mean, and it's a discredit to everyone who struggles with infertility to jump ahead to the "this week my baby is the size of a..." stuff. I don't want to gloss over the journey in my eagerness to celebrate the finish line. Doing so feels dishonest. And lame.

So for everyone hoping for the happy ending stories already, keep waiting. They're coming, and I'm smiling and feeling great, truly, but I don't feel like a finish-liner yet. Maybe I never will. That's partly humility, sure, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't also partly the journey speaking. So instead I'm feeling lucky. Really, really lucky, and really, really grateful. As for happy endings, I was always more interested in what happened to the couple after the credits rolled, anyway. Know what I mean?


  1. YOU are my favorite mom to be.

  2. So thoughtful. Unsurprisingly:)

  3. The only thing better than sharing a perfect stranger's joy via the interwebz is appreciating her reflective honesty. Here's to both!

  4. I'm looking forward to hearing your story, however and whenever you share it. I know it will be worth the wait - just like your sweet baby girl.


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